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The TGN Fanfiction Thread
 
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The Kaiser
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Joined: 28 Jun 2005
Posts: 3,572
Location: Haters gonna' hate, but Ohio ain't whack.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:06 am  Reply with quote

Psychoprog wrote:
Mine had the best plot.


Too right you are. That was an AWESOME plot.

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"
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kefkafloyd
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:13 am  Reply with quote

Script format is teh suck.
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darkhalo
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Location: ENGLAND! (Mary Poppins land!)

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:44 am  Reply with quote

Steelangel's story was great, couldn't stop laughing.

(it took me a while to remember who captain planet was though)

and by the words of...me...'That was damn funny!'

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gdeacur
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Joined: 21 Jun 2005
Posts: 268

PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:40 pm  Reply with quote

Hmm... interesting idea. I have all of ten minutes before I go somewhere, so lets keep it short and sweet.

*grates his brain, trying to think of personalities on the board*

Endless Duel


It was a dark and stormy night at some random city located between gotham city and jump city. Two figures approached from both sides of a narrow but long alleyway.

Darth Nat emerged from the left, dressed up in a grey suit with pointy black ears and a flowing black cape.

Remix177 emerged from the right, dressed in a black suit with squares of metallic armor and an orange and black mask over her face.

Darth Nat Alright, we're settling this, right here, right now! (He hunches and begins to flap his hands as though he were actually a...)

Remix177 Agreed. (Puts her hands behind her back and tries to straighten herself up) Brains versus brains and brawn. Oh, this will be tough.

(Darth Nat pulls out his electrocution knuckles while Remix177 pulls out a Bo staff)

(Pandora falls out of nowhere dressed up in a referee's uniform)

Pandora: Okay you two, let's keep it clean! You may begin... NOW!

Darth Nat: Alright, let's dance, bozo.

Remix1177: Actually, Terry said that.

...

Darth Nat: Shut up! (Throws his boomerang and retreats around the corner. "Slade" catches it with ease and crushes it in one hand.

Remix177: Oh please. Do you really think I'd just run around the corner into your trap? I'll blaze my own path, thanks to my superhuman strength...

(punces through the wall and walks on into the next street. She looks somewhat dizzy.)

Remix177: Oh crap, my depth perception isn't too good with only one eye...

(Darth Nat remains hidden in the shadows of the street while tactfully reminding Remix177 of his mental superiority. Remix disagrees, and during the course of the conversation, a kid on a motorcycle comes by)

Remix177: Huh?

(The kid on the motorcycle happens to be Robin. He jumps of the motorcycle and jump kicks Remix in the face. The kick is coming from the scrawny legs of a fifteen year old, but for some inexplicable reason, the mask made of solid steel begins to crack.)

Darth Nat: Well, Robin saving me. How times have changed.

(Robin runs off into the distance, leaving a badly injured Remix177 on the ground. Batman approaches cautiously, but Remix177 suddenly jumps onto her feet, breathing heavily.)

Remix177: ARrrrggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Remix177 begins to hunch over and scream in a most unusual fashion)

Remix177: You want to see the full extent of my power? Huh? Well... here's THIS!

(A yellow aura of chi envelops Remix177 as she begins to charge up. Her hair suddenly turns yellow and spiky and takes the shape of a pineapple, her steroid enhanced muscles bulge to the point where Hulk Hogan would be jealous, her nose gets pointy and cracks through the mask, and her animation becomes unbearably static.)

Darth Nat, thinking,: Oh no, I can't resist an attack of that magnitude! I must think of something fast... I am, after all,

(Poses in front of no one in paticular)

THE WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE!!!

Remix177: Just a few more seconds...

(four episodes later, Remix is only miliseconds away from unleashing her attack.)

Darth Nat: Question: Oh, how will the... WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE... ever stop this? Answer: Luckily I always carry me... POCKET SIZED MIRROR in my utility belt! Along with countless other things...

(pulls out a mirror and holds it up, allowing Remix177 to see herself. Realizing that she's become an anime stereotype, Remix drops to ground, screaming in agony.)

Remix177: Life... not worth living! GAAHHHH (continues to scream, runs off, and vows to come again.)

Dath Nat: Nothing that the... WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE couldn't handle. Brains over Brains and Brawn, baby!

Me: Wait, that doesn't make sense...

(Darth Nat turns around and trips on his cape. Pick himself up, dusts himself off, and after looking both ways, runs back to Gotham)

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rbone811
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:51 pm  Reply with quote

Quote:
Really, because I find stories like SteelAngel's are actually much more funny because they're actually creative and have this thing ... damn, what was it called again? ... oh yeah, a plot!


Yeah, But I find the ones that have no plot and no point to be more alot more funny. But that is just me.

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ixnay
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:30 pm  Reply with quote

kefkafloyd wrote:
Script format is teh suck.


Agreed.

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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:37 pm  Reply with quote

Quote:


1.Respect other users of this forum.


Taken from the forum rules.

Quote:
Script format is teh suck


Uhhh.... am I missing something here in the rules? Usually respect means their ideas as well, so unless that doesn't apply to works here.

I'm only trying to get people laugh here. If you have a problem with that, then just PM me, rather than post it.

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"
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Super Karoru
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:40 pm  Reply with quote

The Kaiser wrote:
stuff

I don't see how someone stating that script format sucks affects you personally or breaks the rules.

Now keep drama out of this thread. Let's bring in some quality stuff, people!

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gdeacur
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:12 pm  Reply with quote

Humor is highly subjective. I mean, some people think that seeing someone slip on a bananna peel is funny. Some thing witty english word jokes are funny. This guy I know, me, thinks that Starfire attacking Silkie with a rolling pin to burp her is funny. Just laugh or don't laugh...
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Daft Crunk
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 3:46 am  Reply with quote

Great stories so far. I get the feeling I should contribute to the madness. Sorry if it’s a bit long.

Nothing but the Parody
By The Portal

Note: All of these characters are completely fictional. If any character exists in real life, ignore them and PREPARE TO GET CANNED.

It was supposed to be a day like any other. Well, supposed to. But it wasn’t. It was SUPPOSED to be just another day in the Admin Lounge, but it wasn’t. It was supposed to be a day where the stupid gets shut down, but oh, today was not that.

K was idly sitting on the couch watching the Chargers while Phil was flexing his muscles in front of the mirror. A figure appeared in the door. Stepping into the light, they saw it was no one else but DarkMatter.

“...the fark? Where am I?” he hesitantly asked.

“Dude get out! Admins only!” K screamed as she pelted DM with whatever she had handy.

“What’s all the noise about?” Ix said, taking a break from building a house.

“Oh it’s nothing.” responded K.

“Do you find it strange how the mods aren’t on the forum at all, today?” inquired Ix.

“Yeah, that’s a bit weird. I just thought they weren’t up at this hour.” It was 1 PM.

Just then, the tv screen crackled, and a satellite beeping sound was heard. A robotic voice reported, “Incoming transmission from...tapeworm.”

Ix and K gasped.

Then tapeworm’s voice slowly played out over the tv. “Hey phags. I got ur presious mods in our layer. And we r not leting them go until you unban me and all the others by 1700 sharp. Meet us in The Strong Bad Zone and give us our privleges bak if u evr wanna c ur presous mods agan. KORN ROX.”

The alarm sounded. Ix, K, and Phil flew into action.

“Get up Forau!” Phil screamed while pushing the half asleep Admin, “This ain’t Dutch time, this is mission time!”

“What is it now?” Butch said, peeking out of a refrigerator, “It better be important, I’m not leaving my house otherwise.”

“Get outta the damn fridge, Butch!” DarkMatter screamed.

DarkMatter was again pelted with any object imaginable, even Silkie.

“Are we all here? Good. TO THE IRCave!” Ix shouted.

After all the cool special effects, they found themselves in a huge white room with one computer in a corner attached to a giant keyboard.

“...this is a cave?” Butch said.

“If you think about the OS we’re using, it’s pretty primitive. Nevermind. Let’s see...The Strong Bad Zone. Isn’t Strong Bad part of that H*R crap? Okay I got a lock on their site. Is everyone ready to enter the cyberinterspaceportalnet?” Forau’s quip wasn’t loved by many. “Screw it. Let’s go rescue some mods.”

After more special effects, they found themselves in a poorly drawn field with a poorly drawn sky.

“TOONS! GAMES! CHARACTERS! DOWNLOADS! STORE! E-MAIL!”

“WHERE ARE MY ARMS! MY ARMS!” Phil screamed.

“Looks like we’re in the right place.”

A shadowy figure approached them. All the admins slyly drew out their weapons that they handily kept on their backs.

“Ahhhhh I’ve got a hefty piece of real estate!” the figure cried.

Coming into the light, it was very simple to see this figure was The Portal aka Homsar aka the author who should not be in this story. *Snip*

Confused, all the admins stared blankly as The Portal fizzled away.

“Okay. The Strong Bad Zone is found in SBEmail #94 which features the Secret Collect game right before SBZone is introduced. If we’re lucky someone’s going to be watching that email. We’ll catch them right as the SBZone is introduced, and break into the banned users ‘layer’” K explained.

“Did that scare anyone else? Anyone?” Prog apprehensively answered.

AS they reached the SBEmail list, they stared at the neverending links to 136 emails. They spotted the E-mail entitled “video game”. Standing over the brink of clicking on the link, Forau accidentally stepped on the text, clicking the link and sending him hurtling into the void below.

“Dutchy!” They all screamed. In a last minute effort, Butch yanked Forau’s hand, but that just resulted in Butch being hurtled in as well. All the admins jumped in after them, hoping to keep them all together, and not starting one of those horrible “splitting up to get more story done” plot advancements. When they all landed, they got up, finding that movement was harder than usual. Looking at each other, they noticed they had all become 2-D squares. All of them but Ix screamed.

“Cool it guys, we’re just in Secret Collect. To get out of our predicament we gotta just get that greenish circle thing over there”

In a mad dash to the green dot, all of them found that they couldn’t turn, so they all went in a straight line, bouncing off the walls of the screen in hopes of somehow bouncing into that circle. It took a bit of time, but eventually Forau got a lucky deflection that sent him rocketing into the circle. A Casio synth note played, and the words “Secret Collect!” flashed on the screen. All five of them were warped into a black and red room with forced perspective. On one end, all five Admins lay while their physical attributes fazed in. On the other side was a giant head that shot a little square at them. This was indeed The Strong Bad Zone.

“Look out Butch for-” K screamed. But it was too late. The square hit Butch smack in the face. His head exploded into a million pixels.

“Noooo!” Forau cried as he saw everyone mourn for their friend’s loss.

“Your head A Splode” called out Strong Bad. Signifying that they had lost. The game stopped and started again. Butch appeared again with his head intact.

“What? Can’t you lose lives in this game? What a ripoff!”

“Shut up Butch. Just be glad you have a mouth. Hey...where’s Ix?” Phil queried.

Ix was diligently typing on a laptop in the corner of the zone.

“Where’d you get the computer, Ix?” inquired K.
“I dunno. I just found a way to hack this Zone, though.”

The Zone melted away, revealing a door marked “Banned layer” and a Wendy’s.

“Well that’s obvious.” remarked the Dutchman. “I guess villains gotta eat, too.”

Outside the door, OttoBot stamped his foot impatiently.

“Can I have my privileges back?” he demanded impatiently.

“Here.” Butch said while handing him a paper bag marked “Privileges”. OttoBot took it with wide open eyes as he squealed with glee. OttoBot showed them into the room with the mods. It was an empty black room, save for a pole in the middle where all the mods were bound to. At the sight of the admins, their eyes brightened up, and they all jumped for joy as soon as OttoBot undid the knotted rope. As they came out of the door into cyberspace, OttoBot, with the rest of the banned users came out of the door shouting, “The bag is empty! We want our privileges!”

K and Pandora turned around. They held their hands up high in the air. Together, they were the Wonder Nazis.

“Wonder Nazi powers activate!” they both shouted. They pushed their rings of power together.

“Pandora, that’s my wedding ring, wrong finger.”
“Whoops.”

“Form of...a ban hammer!” Pandora shouted.
“Form of...a giant sword!” screamed K.

K cut in front of Pandora, and started hacking off all the banned users’s heads. It was a massacre. There was cyberblood everywhere. When it was over, there were only torn shards of what used to be the banned users.

“Awww. The first time I get to ban people...” Pandora sulked. “Wonder Nazi powers deactivate.”

“Think you can get us out of here, Ix?” Forau asked.

“In a jiffy.”

After yet some more cool effects, they were all back in the now Admin/Mod lounge relaxing.

The television crackled. A voice shouted, “Huge flame fest in D&D. Request help of all mods immediately.”

“Business as usual.” they all said together. And they all rushed to do their job. Just like any other day.

EL FIN.

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darkhalo
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:48 am  Reply with quote

okay, Im not much of a writer, but I had to try this out.

FANCY DRESS

A dark room. A dark and creepy place. The wind howled and the rain poured down one single window.
Suddenly a beam of light reveals a dark and shadow like figure, standing. Then the figure of shadow began to speak.

Voice: The moment has come, the time is now. And the suffering shall begin!

Suddenly with a loud flip of a switch the lights are turned on.

Teenytitan: Hey Darkhalo! what are you doing? ( stuffing face full of cookies)
Darkhalo: (Startled and slightly blinded) God damn it teeny! what have I told you about interupting me while I plot?!

Teenytitan puts another cookie in his mouth while he thinks.

Teenytitan: Urm...
Darkhalo: TURN OFF THE DAMN LIGHT FOOL!

Teenytitan jumps, dropping his cookies.
All lights are turned off except for the beam. Darkhalo takes her place once again underneath it. She closes her eyes and thinks for a minute. Then raises her head towards Teenytitan.

Darkhalo: Come forth Teeny one.

Teenytitan takes a hesitant step forward.

Darkhalo: State your name.
Teenytitan: You know my name.
Darkhalo: STATE IT!
Teenytitan: Titan...teeny...Teenytitan. (phew)

Darkhalo slowly walks around the room as she speaks, with the spot light following her.

Darkhalo: You are fortunate that I found you when I did Teeny one.
Teenytitan: I am?
Darkhalo: For now you shall take part in my horrible plot to stick it to the 'Man'!
Teenytitan: Okay...and how exactly are we gonna do this?

Darkhalo stands in the center of the room, legs spread doing the power stance.

Darkhalo: We shall create...(dum dum dum)...a new thread! (lightening strikes) Mwahahahahahaha..etc.

Teenytitan stands bug eyed and puzzled as Darkhalo continues to laugh...camera fades to black.



Potassium sitting in front of her laptop, eyes scanning though all of the newly created threads - just for the hell of it.
She stops when something catches her eye. She picks up a donut to take a bite as she clicks on a new thread named Fancy Dress.
Suddenly her donut has been sucked into the laptop screen...along with her hand...then her arm.

Potassium: WTF! I want that donut!

Within a second her entire body has been pulled into the laptop, and towards the new thread. Flashing numbers and lights of blues, greens and purples swirl past her as she flies through the forum and into Fancy Dress losing grip of her donut. (dum dum dum)

Potassium opens her eyes to find herself in the middle of some sort of old western town. She climbs to her feet to take a better look at her surroundings.
No one is around, the town seems completely deserted. The only sound to be heard is the sandy dirt beneath Potassiums boots.

Potassium: uh, wait...what! boots! why am I wearing boots? and why am I walking in dirt?
Superkarou: Oh, I dont know...

Potassium lifts her head to see Superkarou standing in the distance.

Superkarou:...Probably the same reason I am.

Potassium runs over to join her fellow mod.

Potassium: How did you?...Computer screen?
Superkarou: If by that you mean swirling vortex of doom! Then yeah, damn thing pulled me in backwards!

Strangly Potassium hadn't noticed, until now, the oversized lizard costume Superkarou was wearing.

Potassium: Urm...Superkarou...
Superkarou: Why are you wearing that?
Potassium: What! wearing what?

Potassium looked into a large shop window to see her reflection. She wore a white cowgirl costume with hundreds of tassels hanging from her shirt, complete with matching hat and whip. She looked down to see two silver revolvers sitting in her holster. her face seemed to light up as she took out one of the guns and spun it around on her finger like a pro. she looked closely to admire the beautifully decorated handle and the name 'Potassium' engraved down the barrel of the gun.
She spun round excitedly to show Superkarou, However Superkarou misunderstood her excitment, for just plain damn crazy chick holding a gun!

There's more to the story, but I'd like to see what people think first. Please be kind.

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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:53 am  Reply with quote

Funny, yet a strange plan by this "darkhalo" to be sure. Wink
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actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"
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darkhalo
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:19 am  Reply with quote

thanks.
oh and dont worry, it will all make sense....soon.

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darkhalo
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:35 am  Reply with quote

On with the show!

Fancy Dress part 2

Superkarou raises her hands and falls to her knees.

Superkarou: WHOA! Okay, okay, dont hurt me!
Potassium: Silly thing, If I wanted to hurt you, I would use my whip!

Then without warning Pandora appears, performing matrix style jumps over the roof tops of the town. She spots Superkarou and Potassium, and without any effort changes the direction she is falling in and lands perfectly inbetween the two, creating a cloud of dust around them. As they choke from the dust, Pandora quickly notices Superkarou's rather crap costume.

Pandora: Why are you dressed as a lizard?
Superkarou, now on her feet: well hi to you too! (cough) And Im not a lizard!...im....Godzilla.

Pandora and Potassium burst into laughter.

Superkarou: It's not FUNNY! look they even gave me a crapy little town to destory.

Superkarou points behind them to reveal a miniture town made out of Lego, bursting into flames, for some unknown reason.
Pandora and potassium try to regain control of their emotions.

Pandora: Well, it cant be any worse than this place.
Potassium: Did you get sucked in too?
Pandora: Sucked? Hell No, I jumped in!
Superkarou: You jumped into a swirling vortex of doom!?
Pandora: Yeah, Why not? It was giving me some serious attitude!

Potassium and Superkarou raise an eyebrow and stare for a moment.

Superkarou: you do that alot then, yeah?
Potassium: shhh, whats that-

A gentle rumbling sound is heard. it starts to get louder...and louder.

Superkarou: A storm?
Pandora: It's sunny.

The noise becomes deafining. It starts to make everything in the town vibrate. Including Superkarou, who falls once again to the ground. As she lands, she points in the direction of a small ally way.

Superkarou: Look!...there, it's coming from there!
Pandora: What is it?
Potassium: wait, I recogise that sound anywhere, it's,it's....
Superkarou, Pandora, Potassium: NEWBIE'S!

Without warning hundreds of newbie's dash round the the ally way heading staight for them.

Superkarou: IT'S A STAMPEDE!
Pandora: There's no need to SHOUT! I can see it's a f***ing stampede!
Potassium: Come on, we've got to move or we'll be crushed!

She unravels her whip, waving it about a few times before hooking it round the chimney of a nearby saloon. She swings and climbs to safety.
Pandora grabs Superkarou by the tail and throws her onto the roof of the saloon. (yeah, she can do that.)
As the stampede of Newbie's draws in, Pandora stands facing them for a moment, giving them full on Evil glare. The crowd slows down, alot, but now the poor scared Newbie's at the front are being pushed along by the ones from the back. This is one showdown she cant win.
She decides to join the others on the roof, but not before kicking some Newbie's in the face as she flies off.

Pandora: DAMN YOU NEWBIE'S! round one to you!

Pandora stands growling as the stampede continue's to pass.

Superkarou: WTF!
Potassium: I've never seen so many...
(Pandora notices what she's standing on)
Pandora: What the hell is a saloon doing here!?
Potassium: Where did they all come from?

Superkarou once again points to the answer.

Superkarou: Look, a swirling vortex of doom!

And there it was, the swirling vortex that had brought them there, on a wall at the end of the ally way.

Pandora: They have a saloon! We dont have a saloon!
Potassium: Well at least we know where the exit is.
Pandora: We dont even have a f***ing latte machine!
Potassium: PANDORA! One thing...
Pandora: what?
Potassium: Shutup!

Pandora fold's her arms and sulks, while muttering under her breath.
Superkarou turns round and stares in amazement.

Superkarou: Hey look, a Saloon!

Superkarou recieves two hash blows to the back of her head from Pandora and Potassium, then one more from Pandora, just for luck.


the story shall continue.....soon.

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Teeny Titan
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:54 am  Reply with quote

Yeah I Know Its Great Specially The Godzilla
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Forau
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 5:52 pm  Reply with quote

Darth Nat wrote:
A loud snore emanated from the Dutchman’s general direction.


I don't snore Sad !

Quote:
Is the Dutchman asleep, or secretly plotting to take over the universe?


*cough*

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Darth Nat
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:48 pm  Reply with quote

Forau wrote:
Darth Nat wrote:
A loud snore emanated from the Dutchman’s general direction.


I don't snore Sad !


Then that loud, rumbling noise emanating from your general direction is actually...

Good thing I have a bad sense of smell.

Razz

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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:57 pm  Reply with quote

Alright, I told you I would continue the Court thing, but I'm changing it from Script format, which everyone seems to be annoyed by, to regular english writing form.

The Case of the Courts Part Two

The rest of the courtroom was silent as the judge wiped sweat from his brow. The recent scuffle that had broken out had been embarrassing enough without him getting hit by the flying bible. He then grumbled at the fact that now they didn't even have a bible in the courtroom. RavenFanboy had caught hold of it as it sailed and had run off with it, declaring them all fools for degrading such a book as a frisbee. He sighed as the n00b picked himself back off the floor, albeit with some help of the bailiff.

"Wel, an-awayz," The n00b began, flashing a look of hate at The Kaiser, who was now sitting next to Pandora at the defendant's table. "i want 2 cal mi next witnes."

"Very well..." The judge replied, slightly bored by the procedings. The n00b walked about the courtroom, looking about for another person he could call on. His eyes settled on Darth nat, perhaps the most well-versed person in the comic versions of the DC universe. He was dressed in the Rorschach costume from Watchmen, from the matching trenchcoat even to the inkblob face and hat. Depsite his weird appearance, he could probably have killed over a dozen criminals with his bare hands before breakfast.
, just like the real Rorschach. "i cal u!" The n00b shouted out, pointing to him.

Darth Nat put down the newspaper he just been reading and walked up to witness box, paying no heed to anyone else other than the judge. The bailiff approached him, holding a book with a note taped over it, reading "Da Bible"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" Darth Nat raised his left hand as he put his right on the bible.

"I swear on my lives!" He shouted out rather mysteriously. The whole court looked at him pecularily.

"Your...lives?" The judge asked him, clearly confused.

"Yes, my lives. You see, back in the old Deathstroke: The Terminator, Slade realized he was immortal through a strange chemical, and therefore I decided to-"

"Just get in the box!" The judge yelled, interrupting him. Darth Nat shrugged.

"As you require." He walked into the witness box, closing the door behind him before sitting down in the small uncomfortable chair that the court had provided. He put the newb-translator headphones over his shapeless ears.

"Ok, now darth, did u or did u not jusd see da kaiser attack me?" The n00b asked.

"Wait, I thought this was about Pandora and the closing of your redundant and useless thread?"

"Wel it waz, until da kaiser-"

"It is THE Kaiser, THE!" Kaiser interrupted from the defendant's bench. The judge banged his gavel.

"Mr. The Kaiser, you are speaking out of order! Sit down or-"

"Not until he speaks my name CORRECTLY! How hard is it?!"

"Kaiser, shut the H*ll up! God, why don't you just-" Pandora stood and began yelling at him. She could take something like a nickname being insulting, but something like a title was getting on her nerves. But then again, almost everything The Kaiser did got on her nerves.

"Hey, don't you use the good Lord's name in vain!" Kaiser interrupted her, sounding offended by her saying God in vain. This seemed to only get Pandora angrier.

"I'll say God all I want! God, God, God, Jesus, Jesus!" Potassium jumped out of the court crowd at this point and joined her in screaming God and Jesus at The Kaiser. The Judge banged his gavel even louder.

"All three of you you're out of order! SILENCE!" He banged the gavel even louder on the wooden bench in front of him. The Kaiser turned to face the judge, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

"No, you're out of order!" The Kaiser then pointed his finger at the n00b. "He's out of order! They're out of order! Everyone's out of order! This whole court is out of order!"

A gunshot was heard throughout the whole courtroom. The Kaiser looked about to continue until his facial expression turned into one of suprise. He clutched at his chest, where a tiny stream of blood was coming from. He stumbled back a few steps, then collapsed on the floor. Everyone in the courtroom looked shocked. Potassium bent over his prone body, taking his pulse.

"Eh, he's dead." She said rather unconcerned.

"Woah, but like who killt him?" The n00b asked. Another gunshot was heard as the n00b fell over the witness rail, dead. Darth Nat looked at the body for a couple seconds, then kicked at it.

"I got nothing." He said to the crowd.

"I guess we'll never know or care who killed these id-" Pandora began, rather unconcerned by the two murders. Someone caught her off.

"I did." ChibiKain stood up from her seat in the crowd, holding a pistol.

"Wha-wha?" Potassium asked, her confusion reflecting the other's. "But why would you risk prison time just to murder these two knuckleheads?"

"You're being too kind K." Pandora whispered to her, Potassium shrugged.

"Because HE," ChibiKain pointed down at The Kaiser's body. "HE, keeps writing me as if all I f*cking do is sleep!"

"Okay, so he's an arrogant moron. There are plenty of those on this site." Darth Nat got up and screamed bloody murder at this point, all the others turning to look at him.

"No you fools! You foolish fools! Don't you realize what you have done?!"

"Uhh, no. That's why we're talking about it right now." Pandora answered his question.

"No, CHibiKain! You don't understand what you've unleashed!"

"Why? What exactly have I 'unleashed'?" ChibKain asked, annoyed by Darth's seeming fear.

"Don't you understand?! He was the writer of this story! And without the writer, it'll tear itself in-" But just at that moment as Darth Nat was trying to explain to them, the sound of paper ripping behind all of them turned their heads in that direction.

It seemed the very wall behind them was being torn in half like a sheet of paper, revealing what looked like a pitch-black hole. It soon began sucking people and forumers alike into it as the tear became even larger. Pandora grabbed onto one of the railings, trying to no be sucked in. Darth Nat quietly sat back in his chair and pulled out a comic, preparing to read. Potassium and Ixnay watched together as the rail Pandora held onto broke from the ground and she was dragged into the portal.

"Pandora NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Potassium shouted as she jumped to grab ahold of her friend, only resulting in being sucked in as well. Ixnay, devastated by the losses, decided to jump in as well.

"Goodbye cruel world!" He yelled, following them in. Darth Nat looked back up from his comic to see the portal grow even larger as the tear expanded. It soon grabbed ahold of him as well. He shook his faceless head sadly as he was pulled in to his uncertain doom.

Others outside of the court began looking up at the building as the tear broke into broad daylight, sucking up every day objects such as trash cans, Ice cream trucks, and even park benches, which by the way are becoming exceedingly rare these days. Psychoprog realized there were people in danger. He put down the 64 bears he was lifting up for a street performance and jumped at the portal, determined to save anyone who was in trouble.

And just like the others, he had no idea of what he was getting himself into. The portal continued to expand even as he was sucked into its murky darkness, determined.

End of Part Two

Told you all I was not going to give up on this series Smile . Next part'll come up whenever I have the free time.

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"
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Potassium
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:09 pm  Reply with quote

Hey, I have a great idea. Instead of "TGN Fanfiction thread," why don't we just rename this thread "The Kaiser angsts about the mods/admins through fanfiction" thread?

And you know, good writers don't use the same jokes over and over again and expect it to be funny.

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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:14 pm  Reply with quote

Ummm, you know I am just trying to be funny, I'm not trying to yell at anyone or get back at them. It's all supposed to be for comedy. But if you find I'm offending you by it, I'll stop.

Terribly sorry if this offends anyone. Request me to stop if needed.

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"

Last edited by The Kaiser on Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
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rbone811
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:37 pm  Reply with quote

Very good Kaiser. I liked that part two chapter, it was very funny. I think all your stories that you wrote in this thread so far a funny. I say you should do more! (as long as you don't annoy the mods..)
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Stories:http://forums.titansgo.net/viewtopic.php?t=7601
Another story:http://forums.titansgo.net/viewtopic.php?t=7
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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:11 pm  Reply with quote

Four days and no new ones? This thread, like the photoshop one, needs more love. Got some freetime now with ch.10 done...

Warning:This story depicts a sad writer's attempts to make the world a little brighter with his own sense of comedy. Those with a low tolerance of stupidity, parodies, and/or laughing should leave now. Viewer discretion is advised.

Anyways, the next installment of...

The Case of the Courts Part three

Darth Nat slowly picked his head off the ground. His entire body ached. He looked about at his bleak surroundings. He was lying on a dirt road, with white picket fences on either side. He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Of all places to be sent...not here..." He mumbled, picking himself back off of the dirt ground. He looked for the others, who had only just recently been with him. He noticed a few of them lying about; Pandora, Potassium, Ixnay, The Coop, Max Bosis, ChibiKain, PsychoProg, and ryckhpae. He moved over to the nearest person, The Coop, and nudged her. The Coop did not stir. He nudged a bit more forcefully, still nothing. He checked her pulse.

Nothing there either.

"Oh sweet merciful Lord NO!" Darth Nat shouted the sky, realizing all of the people surrounding him were gone. Then realization hit him. "Wait a minute, if I'm where I think I am, then this should work..."

Darth Nat proceeded to pull out a fancy golden pen, and took out a small pad of paper which he then began writing on.

All the forumers with me come back to life.

As if by magic, all of the forumers began to stir. The Coop picked up her head.

"Wha-where are we?" She asked. Pandora was looking around, already annoyed by her inability to answer the question. Psychoprog began to stretch, making sure any effect of his almost certain death would wear off. The other approached Darth Nat, joining with The Coop.

"Yes Darth, where are we?" Ixnay inquired, standing next to Potassium. The others nodded in agreement with Ixnay's question, extremely confused to be sure.

"Listen guys, I have a nagging suspicion as to where we are, and what I just did proves it.

"We are in, the land of Fan...dom. Fanfiction to be accurate."

The others gasped at the proclamation of Darth. It was a suprise, only a few of them had ever traveled into fanfics, or even read or wrote one, and now they were in the land of it all, where creation sprung off writer's fingers into reality. Where the craziest idea might take shape. They were shocked. ryckhpae spoke up next.

"There aren't any...evil squirrels around are there?!" She looked nervously from side to side, her left eye twitching. Potassium had half a mind to smack her, but then remembered in the land of fan...dom, even a crazy idea such as evil squirrels could exist.

"It's possible, but right now, I'm guessing we're more close to the Titan's Fanfiction, rather than just off the wall fanfics." Darth Nat said, trying to comfort the girl with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. She jumped at his touch.

"So-sorry. I thought you were a squirrel for a second." She said apologetically, walking back to her place. ChibiKain stepped forward.

"Sooo, why are we here?" She asked, confused.

"Well, my best guess would be that the The Kaiser that you killed was only a Fictional The Kaiser, and that the real one is somewhere in this land of fan...dom."

"So what do we do to get out of here?" Max Bosis spoke up next, already pulling out his own FanFiction golden pen and a sheet of paper, ready for anything.

"My best guess on that would have to be, we must find The Kaiser. He is the current author of this story, and if anyone can get us out of it, he can." Darth Nat replied, already looking around again. ChibiKain began walking away.

"I don't know, I mean, if he's the writer of this story, why does't he just kill us all off and be done with it?" Darth Nat shrugged. A scream was then heard from the crowd. It originated from The Coop. She was fading in and out of reality.

"Help me! It's my ISP! i think I'm losing my connection!" The other quickly backed away from her. "GUYS! I need help! Someone please!" Psychoprog stepped forward.

"I am not bound by the laws of computers, I will help!" PsychoProg grasped one of The Coop's arms and began to attempt to pull her forward. It did no good, the ISP had her feet firmly planted to the ground, and her outline was getting fainter and fainter. But Psychoprog was not about to give up. He flexed all of the muscles on his arms that he had, the muscles bulging so much it would make many a grown bodyweight lifter cry . With a tremendous animal-like roar he pulled The Coop off from the ground, leaving a fuzzy static-like outline of her body.

"Thanks Psychoprog." The Coop said as he let go of her arm. Psychoprog flexed his awesome muscles in a show of power. Too much power, as the whole ground began to shake underneath them.

"Psycho, will you cut that out! We all know you're strong okay?!" Pandora shouted at him, holding onto the picket fence for stability. Psychoprog, satisfied by his display, stopped. The others stood back up from their fallen positions.

"Yes well..." Darth Nat began again, dusting off his trenchcoat. He then noticed something next to his feet. "I say, what's this?" He asked, picking it up. It was another pen, like his and Max's. But it was tarnished, the gold , old and worn.

"Hey Darth, what cha' got there?" Potassium asked. Darth Nat held it up to her.

"It seems, that it is another Land of fan...dom pen. Some poor writer must of lost his." Darth Nat took it and pressed it on his sheet of paper. he began to write, to see if it still worked. He wrote the first thing that popped into his head.

A goose.

The pen vibrated loudly, and made an entire gesture of obscene noises. Then suddenly in front of them all appeared a colossal goose, easily three stories high. Darth Nat quickly crossed out the word, just as the monster was about to step on ryckhpae, who was on the ground screaming, shielding herself with her arms. The giant monster quickly vanished as the words were scratched out.

"Ladies and Gents' I can safely say this pen is not of this Land..." Darth Nat said darkly, holding up the pen so all could see it. :It must be destroyed."

"But how?" Asked Max Bosis, staring up at the tarnished pen. "How can we destroy such a powerful writing utensil?"

"We must cast it into the flames whence it came."

"You don't mean-"

"Yes, it must cast down in the melders of Borders." Darth Nat began pacing, holding his chin in one hand. "but it shall be a dangerous trek. I alone will not be able to brave it. We must have a fellow-"

"A group!" ryckphae shouted out over him. Darth Nat looked slightly crestfallen, but continued on.

"Yes, we must have, a group take this to the fires and destroy it, for if this fell in the hands of evil, or just a certain writer who shall remain nameless, it would surely be the downfall of the Land of Fan...dom. This will be a journey not for the light of heart, and we must be strong to resist using such a powerful object. Now, who will go with me on this jou-"

"Trek!" ryckphae interrupted him again joyfully. Darth Nat sighed at his defeat of words by the girl and simply waited for a reply from the others. None of the forumers were willing to risk doing such a journey. The Coop stepped forward.

"I will go with you to make sure of its destruction Darth." She said bravely. Darth Nat smiled at the girl's bravery, then turned to face the others. Potassium stepped forward.

"You will have my power of Square Enix at your side." Ixnay joined her.

"And my power of agreement." Max Bosis stepped forward.

"And my originality at stories." Psychoprog walked up to the three.

"And my-" He left the last part blank, choosing instead to just flex his awesomeness. The ground began to quake at the power displayed, and he stopped quickly. Pandora came up next, wearing a WWI German helmet.

"My Grammar Blitzkrieg shall serve at your side!" ryckphae was last.

"And my evil squirrels can help!" She held up a squirrel by the tail, who hissed maddingly at everyone. The girl screamed and dropped the critter, who scampered off. When everyone was recovered from the shock they returned to their movie-like scene.

"And you ChibiKain? What say you?" Darth Nat asked the only person who had not come forward. She shrugged and started walking away.

"Eh, I think I will go find some fics to read. See ya'll later." She waved her hand behind her, then walked out of their sights.

"Well, then I think it is time this fello-"

"Group!" ryckphae interrupted Darth Nat a third time. Darth Nat was about to jump on the girl, but he was able to quickly regain his state of calm.

"Fine, let this group begin its journey. To Borders!"

And so the fello-...group began on their jour-...trek to Borders, ready to destroy the one pen. Little did they know what adventures would await them, cruel and yet funny. Awe-inspiring and yet terrifying.

~End of Part 3~

I'll get the next part up sometime later when I have more free time on my hands. Well then, until next time for this thread(Seriously guys, it needs more love).

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"

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Chaos Breaker
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:18 pm  Reply with quote

The Kaiser wrote:
"So what do we do to get out of here?" Max Bosis spoke up next, already pulling out her own FanFiction golden pen and a sheet of paper, ready for anything.


Nice, wacky work, The Kaiser. But, I'm pretty sure Max Bosis is a guy, unless I'm terribly mistaken.

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The Kaiser
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:29 pm  Reply with quote

Chaos Breaker wrote:
The Kaiser wrote:
"So what do we do to get out of here?" Max Bosis spoke up next, already pulling out her own FanFiction golden pen and a sheet of paper, ready for anything.


Nice, wacky, work, The Kaiser. But, I'm pretty sure Max Bosis is a guy, unless I'm terribly mistaken.


Ugh! I checked the Male or female thread for The Coop and Max, couldn't find them, I'll go edit that now. Keep getting thrown off by the avatars(When in doubt, check the avatar...after the name of course)

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Ken Levine Fan Club wrote:

actually this thread is much more well behaved than usual, I'm genuinely impressed that after 4 pages I only have 7 such comments that apply to the "marxist revolutionary by day, provincial bigot by night" stereotype"
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ryckhpae
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:58 pm  Reply with quote

melikes this thread!
Laughing yes, squirrels are evil! keep going with this! although Coop is a guy, not a girl, i do believe. yes, I tend to do the avatar thing too Very Happy
you know, ducks and geese are evil too...why did he write down a goose?! that's right, kill everyone with a giant evil goose... real smart.
god job, i really like it. keep writing!

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