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Ravenisawesome's Random Writings
 
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SushiChica
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:10 pm  Reply with quote

I actually don't think it needs to rhyme, but it should keep a feeling of rhythm or flow from line to line which you lack.

And I'm with Rocketman, Ravenisawesome. Everything you have here came straight from the Generic Emo Phrase Book.

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Azelma
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:14 pm  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:


It does need to rhyme, or it's just prose..


What-do-you-do-with-a-BA-in-English says, bzzt, wrong.

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Rocketman
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:48 pm  Reply with quote

Azelma wrote:
What-do-you-do-with-a-BA-in-English says, bzzt, wrong.


English majors.

Alright, conceded, but I don't think he's got a meter either. Stupid
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Azelma
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:59 pm  Reply with quote

Oh, I agree. There are no words for how bad this 'poetry' is. But some of my favorite poems don't rhyme, and it's absolutely not a mandatory trait that distinguishes it from prose.

'Effort,' however, is usually a mandatory trait that distinguishes 'writing' from 'word vomit.'

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Ravenisawesome
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:30 pm  Reply with quote

So should I stop writing emo stuff or just stop all together? Or should I practice more before posting anything else? (And thanks RavensShadow!)
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Azelma
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 6:48 pm  Reply with quote

Ravenisawesome wrote:
So should I stop writing emo stuff or just stop all together? Or should I practice more before posting anything else? (And thanks RavensShadow!)


You need some serious practice if you want to get good at writing. Read some good books -- or even take a look around TGN and read some of the better writers here (Nightlark, Hooliganette, SushiChica, CidGregor, Echo_Nevermore, Pandora, Avea, Rikkugrrl, etc, etc). Get a feel for what they do and try to figure out what works and what doesn't. Then go back and practice. And practice some more. Then burn your practice and practice some more.

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SushiChica
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:30 pm  Reply with quote

Azelma wrote:
Ravenisawesome wrote:
So should I stop writing emo stuff or just stop all together? Or should I practice more before posting anything else? (And thanks RavensShadow!)


You need some serious practice if you want to get good at writing. Read some good books -- or even take a look around TGN and read some of the better writers here (Nightlark, Hooliganette, SushiChica, CidGregor, Echo_Nevermore, Pandora, Avea, Rikkugrrl, etc, etc). Get a feel for what they do and try to figure out what works and what doesn't. Then go back and practice. And practice some more. Then burn your practice and practice some more.


What was it...a million words of crap before you can even think about considering yourself anywhere near "good"?

I still have about 750,000 more to go.

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RavensShadow
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:13 pm  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:
RavensShadow wrote:
'oh-my-god! it needs to rhyme or it sucks!'


It does need to rhyme, or it's just prose. Breaking words into irregular lines does not mean you wrote a poem, it means your twitchy fingers are hitting the enter key too much.

Also, your stuff is so blisteringly stereotypical I'm having to wear oven mitts to type.


*rolls eyes* Poetry is NOT defined by rhyme. Generally it does, but how do you explain 'poetry' forms such as cinquiaine, diamonte, HAIKU for Azar's sake!

It does NOT need to rhyme to be poetry.

...I'm sorry, I guess that subject was closed, but I wanted to get my words in there. /^-^;;

Azelma wrote:
'Effort,' however, is usually a mandatory trait that distinguishes 'writing' from 'word vomit.'


*painful flashback* ...is that a favorite metaphor of yours? XD

........but what about when the effort is practically invisible, even when it's definitely THERE......?

...I think it's the emotion behind it that counts. :/ It's the same thing for me and fanfics, really... A story can be written without spellcheck, and it may be slightly irritating when they forget about grammar, if it has emotion and a drving plot behind it, I'll stick with it. :}

The same goes with emotions. Especially ones about romance and pleasant things.... Being an 'empath,' I like it when feelings are made obvious. 8D

And Awesome, if it's something you love to do, it doesn't MATTER how many people are disgusted with it! /o.o\ Though it might take polishing for you to show the world without the world smacking you down for it, anything you really care about shouldn't be stopped! It might take practice, or maybe what makes you happy is just too different from what the masses enjoy.

Regardless, keep in mind: Diamonds only come from coal, my friend. :}

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Rocketman
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:21 pm  Reply with quote

RavensShadow wrote:
Regardless, keep in mind: Diamonds only come from coal, my friend. :}


Diamonds come from carbon that's been put under an incredible amount of heat and pressure. Kissing the ass of a lump of carbon and coddling it with nice words won't get you anything but the same lump of carbon.
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Ravenisawesome
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:58 am  Reply with quote

Thanks RavensShadow Smile, but I have to admit I do need to practice a bit more.
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ColleenTheTitan
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:59 pm  Reply with quote

Aww! I liked that!
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merlewhitefire
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:02 am  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:
RavensShadow wrote:
Regardless, keep in mind: Diamonds only come from coal, my friend. :}


Diamonds come from carbon that's been put under an incredible amount of heat and pressure. Kissing the ass of a lump of carbon and coddling it with nice words won't get you anything but the same lump of carbon.


This needs to somehow be streamlined and put on a bumper sticker.

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This.
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RavensShadow
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 5:26 pm  Reply with quote

...so is there going to be anything else...? ^^';;
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Ravenisawesome
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:28 pm  Reply with quote

RavensShadow wrote:
...so is there going to be anything else...? ^^';;
Uh... *nervous chuckle* I haven't had any ideas in a while. But when I do, i'll post something up.
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RavensShadow
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 3:34 pm  Reply with quote

XD Well at least you're not trying to force something, it's definitely better to wait until you have inspiriation. :}
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Ravenisawesome
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:48 pm  Reply with quote

It's been a while, and I just wanted to post this poem. It's another emo one, but no I am not suicidal, this is just simply a poem and nothing more.
Death Angel
Death angel come take me away
For I can’t take it anymore!
I can’t take not seeing her face.
I can’t take not talking to her any longer!
Come take my soul.
Free it, free myself from this hellish life.
Let me take my never ending slumber.
Let those that have forgotten, remember me.
Just end it all forevermore!


I also have another poem I will post:

Eternal Slumber What A B*tch!
What if I fall asleep and never wake up?
To sleep an eternal rest, it’s not what I want.
I want to fall asleep in her arms forever.
But what if I was to never wake up?
How would the world be without me?
How would people react to my eternal slumber?
These things I need not know this early.
I don’t want to go, not now.
But what if I was?

And one last one, for now:

Tick Tock Goes The Clock
I stare at the clock
Watching the seconds tick away
Daydreaming of you
Why does time always fly when we are together
But go so slow when we are apart?
Why must time be against us?
Numbers 1-12, in a specific order
Alone they are just numbers,
Together they create time
As much as we want it gone
We need it, for without it there would be chaos
In chaos we could never be together
They say time is never on your side, but then whose side is it really on?

I posted these poems on my dA account, so if you are one of my friends on there then you have read these in my journal.

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Last edited by Ravenisawesome on Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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KristyStar
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:12 pm  Reply with quote

Omigod! This is amazing! I love it!
What's your inspiration? I mean, do you have one?

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Rocketman
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:23 pm  Reply with quote

Ravenisawesome wrote:
How would people react to my eternal slumber?


Thank God, less shitty emo poetry.
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KristyStar
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:25 pm  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:
Ravenisawesome wrote:
How would people react to my eternal slumber?


Thank God, less shitty emo poetry.

Hey, I'm sure he wants critism, but there's no reason to be mean about it. Leave him alone unless you can be mature enough to review like a civilized person should.

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Ravenisawesome
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:32 pm  Reply with quote

KristyStar wrote:
Omigod! This is amazing! I love it!
What's your inspiration? I mean, do you have one?
Thank you. Smile Not really, they just kind of come to mind.
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KristyStar
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:34 pm  Reply with quote

Ravenisawesome wrote:
KristyStar wrote:
Omigod! This is amazing! I love it!
What's your inspiration? I mean, do you have one?
Thank you. Smile Not really, they just kind of come to mind.

Ah, I see. Awesome, keep up the good work. Smile

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Rocketman
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:08 am  Reply with quote

KristyStar wrote:
Hey, I'm sure he wants critism


Hahaha. No, no, read the thread there, champ. He wants people to fawn over his horrible poetry.
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KristyStar
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:13 pm  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:
KristyStar wrote:
Hey, I'm sure he wants critism


Hahaha. No, no, read the thread there, champ. He wants people to fawn over his horrible poetry.

I just read it over. He in no way stated, "Okay! Here's my work! Go ahead and fawn over it's pwnsomeness!"
No. All he said was, "I hope you enjoy it."
And he has taken critism, apparently. And put up with people dogging on him, come on, give him a break. He has gotten better.
And it's not horrible. In fact, I wanna see what YOU can write.
So until you can write amazingly, like Shakespeare or whatever, please, shhhh.

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Rocketman
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 3:30 am  Reply with quote

KristyStar wrote:
I just read it over. He in no way stated, "Okay! Here's my work! Go ahead and fawn over it's pwnsomeness!"
No. All he said was, "I hope you enjoy it."
And he has taken critism, apparently. And put up with people dogging on him, come on, give him a break. He has gotten better. And it's not horrible.


Emo poetry is horrible by definition.

Quote:
In fact, I wanna see what YOU can write.
So until you can write amazingly, like Shakespeare or whatever, please, shhhh.


Way to fallacy there, chuckles. I don't have to be a great writer to criticize this dreck, the same way I wouldn't have to be a great chef to notice a steak is burned.
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KristyStar
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:10 pm  Reply with quote

Rocketman wrote:
KristyStar wrote:
I just read it over. He in no way stated, "Okay! Here's my work! Go ahead and fawn over it's pwnsomeness!"
No. All he said was, "I hope you enjoy it."
And he has taken critism, apparently. And put up with people dogging on him, come on, give him a break. He has gotten better. And it's not horrible.


Emo poetry is horrible by definition.

Quote:
In fact, I wanna see what YOU can write.
So until you can write amazingly, like Shakespeare or whatever, please, shhhh.


Way to fallacy there, chuckles. I don't have to be a great writer to criticize this dreck, the same way I wouldn't have to be a great chef to notice a steak is burned.

Give him a break, it's not bad. Bad would be...like...I don't know. I'll have to find a poem.

Well, if you must critize him, could you to it nicely? And make it constructive?

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